Marketing Failure

Marketing Failure

Jeff: True Teas marketing, this is Jeff. How may I help you? Tina: Hi Jeff, this is Tina from Columbia Pictures. Jeff: Tina, hi! How’s your SJW marketing going? Tina: Terrible! Ghostbusters is a flop, and now it’s worse than ever! We did everything you told us to: we played the feminism card, mocked and shamed them… but now not even the fans will go watch the movie. Jeff: Wait a minute… WHOM EXACTLY did you mock? Tina: MEN. We can’t go after feminists, of course. Jeff: So you ridiculed your PAYING CUSTOMERS instead of the OBNOXIOUS MOB whom everybody hates? Tina: Oh.

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The Truth Behind Ghostbusters

The Truth Behind Ghostbusters

3 months ago… Jeff: True Teas marketing, jeff speaking. How can I help you? Tina: Hi Jeff, this is Tina from Columbia Pictures. Listen, we’re quite impressed by your marketing stunt that you pulled using those social media goons a while ago. Jeff: Oh thanks, too kind! Tina: We’re thinking about doing something similar. We have this movie… a 2nd class remake that’s probably going to tank. Jeff: Hm. Tina: Any ideas? Jeff: Is there anything… PROBLEMATIC about it? Tina: Yes. It’s GARBAGE. Even though it’s got an ALL FEMALE CAST. Jeff: There you go! Today… Cat: ANOTHER abysmal review of ghostbusters 2016?! Only because of the female cast! Cat: Im SO gonna see it. FOR EQUALITY!

Job Interview

Cat: Listen you punks, I’ve got your so-called job offer in the mail yesterday. Jeff: Ah, thank you very much for calling back! Cat: Did you really think that I was going to work for such an insensitive garage shop as yours? Jeff: Well, that’s up to our officer of diverse sensitivity at this point. Jeff: But now that you bring it up, may I ask your gender? Cat: I... are you... Jeff: You see, we’ve already hired so many cis people… would you be willing to say you’re trans? Cat: WHAT?! Manager: Jeff? why are salon, vice and jezebel writing articles about us? Jeff: Well… how much exactly do you remember of that night at the bar? Manager: JEFF YOU BASTARD!

Cat: Listen you punks, I’ve got your so-called job offer in the mail yesterday.
Jeff: Ah, thank you very much for calling back!
Cat: Did you really think that I was going to work for such an insensitive garage shop as yours?
Jeff: Well, that’s up to our officer of diverse sensitivity at this point.
Jeff: But now that you bring it up, may I ask your gender?
Cat: I… are you…
Jeff: You see, we’ve already hired so many cis people… would you be willing to say you’re trans?
Cat: WHAT?!
Manager: Jeff? why are salon, vice and jezebel writing articles about us?
Jeff: Well… how much exactly do you remember of that night at the bar?
Manager: JEFF YOU BASTARD!

Job Offer

Job Offer

Dog: What’s this? Cat: No idea, it came in the mail today. Mail: As a gratification for your invaluable contributions based on your expert knowledge in the field of applied feline studies, please accept this included check. Dog: A check? Whoa! Mail: We also would like to offer you a position as a consultant for social marketing… Dog: Heyyy, you got a job! Cat: …here at true teas?! What the actual fuck?! A short while later… Manager: Hey Jeff, #trueteas is trending again. What did you do? Jeff: Uhm… remember that drunk idea you had in this bar last weekend? About that social justice nutter? Manager: Oh you didn’t… Jeff: Yes, I did!

Grow Up

Grow Up

Cat: One last time: your packaging is offensive and triggering! Manager: Then don’t buy it. we didn’t make it for you. Cat: I won’t, and neither will my followers! Manager: You already said that. so nothing of value is lost. Cat: Is this how you treat your customers?! Manager: You are not a customer. grow up. Cat: OK, that’s it. I tried reasoning with you. what comes next is on you… Phone: *click* Cat: Hello?! A while later… Manager: Yo jeff! #trueteas is trending on twitter and facebook! Jeff: Ha! Told you so, i’ll get the champagne!